Immortal
by thefaultin0urfandom
Summary: Post S5. Gwen and Merlin have a conversation about Merlin's gifts. Kind of depressing.


**I know I should be working on my Merlin/Harry Potter fic but oh well.**

**I was feeling depressed when I wrote this so sorry for any tears I may cause.**

**For all of you who were having a nice Valentine's Day. Sorry!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin. **

He sat with his head in his hands, sobs wracking his body. Merlin's eyes were red when he finally looked at the figure standing in the doorway. Tears streaked his face, and his blue, blue eyes were like water.

Gwen looked on concernedly. Merlin had been locked in his room for a day, and the rest of his friends were getting worried. "Merlin?" she asked, wringing her hands slightly. "What's wrong?" She knew that the words meant nothing as he saw inexplicable sadness in his eyes. It had been only a year since the death of Arthur, but even though Merlin still blamed himself for letting Mordred kill him, Gwen could tell that it was not this that caused the tears.

Merlin looked at her balefully. He blinked some tears from his eyes before muttering, "I cannot journey to Avalon. I can not get past the gates." A fresh bout of tears welled up in his eyes.

Gwen frowned. What was Avalon? She sat next to the sobbing boy and put her arm around him. His spine could be felt through his thin layer of clothes.

Merlin sniffled. "I can't die Gwen," he whispered, staring at the ground. His body heaved as he kept on saying the words. Gwen's body stiffened. What was Merlin saying? Surely that couldn't be true! She knew that he had magic, he had told them all after he came back to Camelot. He had refused to become Court Sorcerer, saying that he had failed his destiny and didn't deserve such a high position as that. Gwen had forced it upon him anyway. For a few months all had been well. Camelot had accepted magic within her borders and Morgana was long gone. But Gwen sat on her throne alone. His place could never be filled. But what Merlin was saying, that he couldn't die... Surely that was an elaborate joke? But no, Merlin wouldn't do this to her.

Merlin had noticed Gwen's rigid stature. He laughed hollowly. "You hate me, don't you?" The warlock shifted out of her grasp. "I'm a monster. I knew it."

Gwen gasped. "You are not a monster Merlin, don't you dare say it. You have saved us all with your amazing magic and you say that you're a monster? So what if you can't die? We will always be here for you-"

"Not always." Merlin was not crying now. It was as if he had accepted his fate.

Gwen was speechless. "You... You-"

"You all will grow old, and I will stay behind, stay until the world dwindles, and even after that. Soon everyone will perish and I'll be alone, alone because I failed my destiny. I'm fated to walk the earth forever." Merlin's face was expressionless. He looked at Gwen unseeingly and said, "Maybe Arthur will return, like they said, but maybe he will not. I have this great, terrible power and I will have it till the end of time. And all because I let him die. I failed my destiny - I am paying the price. Tell me Gwen-" suddenly his eyes focused on her and she could not bring herself to look away "-tell me, would you care for my destiny? Immortality?" He spat the word out.

Gwen's hand went up of its own accord. There was a sharp crack, and Merlin was holding his smarting cheek. "Don't you dare say that! Don't you dare say that! How could you! You are _Merlin_, you should not speak of yourself like this. _It was not your fault. _Arthur is dead, yes." Merlin closed his eyes. Arthur's name had come up. Gwen carried on. "He is dead, yes. But look at what you have achieved! All this magic practised freely in the kingdom. And do you not think I feel that I have failed too? Maybe it wasn't my destiny to save him with magic but I still feel as though there could have been something I could have done to save him!" Gwen was crying now. Merlin watched on, silently, mouth open. "And maybe you will live, where we will perish, and I'm not saying that isn't a hell in itself. But Merlin, you will be _living_. You will be living where he will not. He will not see everything he has achieved. You will. When it is a thousand years later you will be able to look at this world, and say, I made this safe. So do not say that it is such a terrible thing. _Do not_." Gwen gathered her skirts, and stood up. Merlin stood up just as fast and grasped her wrist. Tears were pouring down their faces.

"I am sorry Gwen. I am so, so sorry. I realise now, that... that this is a gift. I'm sorry." Merlin looked down.

"That's quite alright Merlin," Gwen said, then giggled. "We look like a right pair, don't we?"

Merlin laughed. Gwen left the room after saying goodbye, and Merlin retreated into his chambers.

_LINE_BREAK_

Many years later, when Gwen lay on her deathbed, Merlin came to visit her. He had moved out of the land when he felt that his work was done, and no one saw that he didn't grow. Except Gwen.

The elderly queen smiled as Merlin appeared. "Just as I remembered you," she whispered, her voice wavering.

"Oh Gwen," Merlin murmured, sitting by her. "You have made Camelot a beautiful place to live in. I only wish Arthur was here to see it."

Gwen closed her eyes. "He _was _watching. He has always been. In our hearts."

A tear slipped from Merlins eye. He made no move to wipe it away. He pressed a hand to Gwen's forehead and whispered, "Have safe passage to Avalon."

They sat together in silence for a few minutes before Gwen closed her eyes for the final time. Merlin's eyes flashed gold and he disappeared.

And he waited.

**Holy cow that was depressing... I think my feels exploded at some point and I just wrote. Idk how long this is because it's on my phone... But I hope you enjoyed!**

**Please review!**


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